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Sexual Abuse Victim
© Tiasha Anderson
Tears are always running down my face
I hang my head low thinking "what a disgrace?"
The tears are coming from all the damage you caused
What do you want now, a round of applause?

I've watched you rape and molest me right before my eyes
Now the only thing left to do is cry
You stole my virginity without my consent
PLEASE tell me why this is the way it went

All I wanted was for you to get off of me
But getting you off of me just wasn't that easy
You hit me in my face then ripped my shirt
Then you pushed it in to the point where it hurt

I remember it like it was yesterday
Answer this, will I ever forget about this and be okay?
The thoughts are crucial & all I can do is cry
Sometimes I just think then ask myself "why didn't I die?"

The bastard didn't care if I lived or if I died
All he cared about was being satisfied
I feel dirty, I feel low, I feel used
I'll always know that I'm a victim of sexual abuse!

** I feel so low at time. This is basically how I feel everyday. I feel dirty, like it was all my fault. There is so much that people just don't know. So much that I still live thru this day. But why won't it just go away? I hate the feeling of being so worthless, causing so much pain in my family, when really all i was trying to do was what was best. I was apparently a bad child, but I don't remember, unfortunately. I wish I could remember so at least this way I could know what I did so awfully wrong to deserve what I went thru. I feel like I can't stop crying. I'm very depressed. I just want my father to be a father to me. I want him back, but differently. Sad Please, daddy, I'm sorry!!) I like to write, but I get scared. I like talking in chat, but I get scared. I never know if something I say is going to come across wrong, but I just hope that if something I say does, someone will tell me. I feel like there are so many people out there that deserve help more than I at this moment. I'm just a typical f****ed up teenager like everyone says.
dear cupcake ..
i know exactly what u mean ...
*hugs*
larissa
Hey cupcake , I so sorry your feeling so low hun. in chat please say what your feeling because we are here to help each other ok. you deserve help just as much as any one cupcake on here. you are so not cupcake you are just feeling so hurt by what happer to you and in time thing will heal but it will take time. i will allway be here if you want to talk.take good care love beckey
Hi, Cupcake im very sorry to hear that this is happening to you. I know how you feel I was sexually abused by my dad to from the age of 8-13. I can relate to the feeling your having like it's your fault that maybe if you were just a better child and person he wouldn't have done this to you. That no matter how long you take a shower you always feel disgusting and dirty. And you feel as if there are more serious problems in the world. Like people who have no parents at all or have no food or place to live. I can relate very much. But many people have told me it's not my fault I still don't totally believe them maybe one day I will feel that way but you have to know it's not your fault either! Your a kid hes the adult he should have known better! I hope everything starts to get better for you. Im sorry to hear this. I wish you well and will pray for you.
Love, Jenn
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